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2002-10-05
Exhausted feverish brain

I've been tired.

I know that's an absolute shit excuse, but it's the only one I have. I've been tired.

I look at the websites I have to update, I look at the things I want to watch on TV, and things get shuffled around in priority because if I do several things that require thought, I am way too fucking tired.

Last weekend just wore me out. Hell, it wasn't a weekend. It was 12 fucking straight days of work work work work, the only difference between that on Saturday and Sunday, if I wasn't lifting things, I was standing behind a metal barrier telling people about miniatures.

Tiring. Extremely tiring.

 

So, of course, what do I do on my first day of respite from work? Wake up at 7:45 in the goddamned morning and work on a website. Of course, it's a new Dyes, so am I complainin'? Hell no.

Last night, I launched the redesign of Homoeroticism Yay! and did my usual updates.

So I've been productive. I just haven't really had the energy to string a couple of sentences together talking about my life.

 

Which...I don't know. I think I'm doing well, I'm going along things, and then, suddenly, something slaps me upside the head and I'm curled up in the corner trying not to cry and just generally being overwhelmed.

Hell, I'm back to beauty overwhelming me again. That hasn't happened in awhile. Things just seem...too beautiful, you know?

So utterly perfect and elegant and right that they can't possibly belong in this world and I can't possibly touch them or be near them or anything, because I'm clumsy, I'm big, I destroy when I try to worship.

I'm the bull in the china shop, the swan among the ducklings, King Kong in New York, climbing the Empire State Building and not realizing it's not a tree. I don't know my own strength, I don't know my own power, I'm just stomping along smashing things underneath...

Except I'm not. I'm just convinced that I am.

 

I don't know. I'm in a weird rambly mood. I shouldn't be, because I also went shopping today and picked up a load of comic books and hit the comics fair and picked up the Buffy RPG as well as two graphic novels. The husband picked up unopened boxes of Angel trading cards -- season one and season three, and we had a blast opening them all up and hunting for chase cards.

Got one that's a tiny little piece of one of Angel's shirts, and got the autograph of Laurel Holloman (who plays Justine). Got a bunch of shiny cards. Got some Cordelia cards. Am deeply amused, and we had fun opening everything, because we're lame like that.

Had enough spares of season one that we're selling it on eBay. Going to go through the season three ones and figure out what to do about that too.

 

Sort of spacy. Sort of out of it. Thinking about taking a bath.

Yes.

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